The experience of sitting through a trailer and thinking, "Looks like I don't need to see that, now that every last plot twist was spoiled", or "New Comedy XYZ was pretty funny, but all the good parts were in the trailer," are too common.

As movies go, the only thing that approaches the awfulness of Jumper is having an otherwise good movie completely spoiled by a trailer that just wouldn't shut up.

Django Unchained is one of my favorite movies of all time. I went into it knowing as close to nothing as I think was reasonably possible, given its hype. I'd read somewhere that Jamie Foxx was hunting for his wife, and that was it. I didn't even know Christoph Waltz, one of the most enjoyable actors I've seen a long time, was in the movie.


Last night I saw a trailer for Django Unchained that, quite literally, spoiled the whole thing. Without spoiling it again myself for any possible readers (not that anyone reads this site), it went through every major phase of the movie and showed cuts and lines from every peak and valley in the script. No surprise was left unruined. It was like reading the effing SparkNotes -- and for a movie like Django Unchained that drips with tension at every turn, that's devastating to the experience.

If I had one movie-related wish that I had to spend right now without giving it any further thought (like thought that would lead me to consider wishing for my own movie star career instead of this crap that I'm about to say), I would wish to never again know any information about the plot of a movie I'm about to see. I don't want to know what the main character's main struggle is, what the one-sentence synopsis is -- Hell, I don't even want to know what the genre is. Zombie movie? Romantic Comedy? Hardcore porn? Action-adventure-romcom-zombie movie with a lot of titties? Whatever -- I don't want to know. Let those first zombie areola tip me off.

(As a quick aside, I just Googled "areola" because I had no idea how to spell it, and things got interesting. Fast.)

At any rate, movie trailers suck. A dear friend of mine saw 28 Days Later in the theaters literally not knowing it was a zombie movie. His target flick was sold out so he chose that at random because it had a showtime starting soon. He was just as unprepared for Cillian Murphy's flaccid penis as he was the first zombies in the church scene. Incredible! I'm still jealous about that.

Henceforth, it shall be my goal to not know a damn thing about movies when I start them. I'd love to get the Rotten Tomatoes rating percentage, and maybe its 1 sentence review summary (since that rarely touches on the plot at all), and that's it. Friends and family are welcome to make movie recommendations, but don't tell me any more.

And I'm curious -- how do others feel? Am I alone on this, or does the rest of the world reel like a worm caught on blacktop when a movie trailer rambles on like a drunk "that girl", ruining its subject matter with cold heartedness?

My guess? That I'm alone on this, because every time someone threatens to be late enough to a movie to miss all of its complimentary trailers, someone in the party loses their effing mind.

Jumper sucks

Maybe I should watch more trailers after all. It might have saved me suffering through Jumper.

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